this night.


About an hour or two ago I heard two lads fighting outside my mam’s house. I was about to call the cops then saw they were obviously pals having a domestic and they started to walk off with one still arguing with the other. But there was something in what he was saying that wasn’t sitting right, so I did call the cops and said I was worried cos the word suicide was being thrown around and I was worried for one of these guys because of the way his pal was talking to him. The guard said he’d send a car around and see if they were ok. But something still wasn’t sitting right. 30 seconds later I called my mother. Woke her up, got her up and told her the story. She got dressed and went out after them, she caught up to them and about a minute later I could see them walking back towards the house.

Then the kettle was on. Two lads sat at the kitchen table, one was in tears the other wrapped in a towel after taking off his river water soaked trousers.

It’s five in the morning. My mother has been talking to them for over an hour.  One never drank green tea before and there’s been a few laughs.  She’s still talking to them and I’ve no need to listen. I listened enough when I went with my gut.

Earlier this week I saw a woman on the bus, she was fighting back tears and I felt such sadness off of her that all I wanted to do was ask her if she was ok. But it’s the 40 bus in Dublin and I’ve to get off at the next stop and do you really ask a perfect stranger if they’re ok? or even just tell them it will be.  She caught my eye and I gave her a one of those slight smiles that says I know shits tough. But I didn’t ask her if she was ok. I got off the bus and immediately regretted it.  I thought about her on my walk to work and then forgot about her until now.

I don’t really feel that comfortable writing, just like not feeling that comfortable asking that woman if she was ok. But this time I’m going to say something. Suicide and depression are such a massive problem in this country and it’s not ok. But maybe it is ok to ask a perfect stranger if they are alright. Maybe it’s vital. Maybe if we looked out for one another a bit more things would be easier. Maybe a stranger needs your help. Maybe your friends do. Look around you, take the time, find the time, mind your pals and trust your gut. Above all trust your fucking gut.

Or call my mother. Cos the cops never came.

[If you’re not feeling alright call someone: Pieta House / Samaritans]


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